Nuh badda text me in a crisis
It's April in a couple of days, and I am still wearing my faux fur winter coat. It is the only outerwear I brought with me, and it has holes in both pockets. Sometimes my keys travel deep in the lining, and I found a pound coin the other day. It means I'm never worried about losing anything in those pockets. But it's awkward when I have to go elbow deep just to get my lip moisturiser.
I have a faux leather jacket, but it lives in London, waiting to be shipped out to me here in New York. I think I have a beautiful grey maxi skirt in the same box, along with about 12 of my most necessary books (or at least the ones I wanted to have with me, on a bookcase, or stacked by my bed, while I live here). I have my Kindle in that box, and also a hot water bottle, even though by the time it gets here spring may well have sprung. I have denim shorts in that box, and a tea dress, and I asked my mum to chuck in a box of Yorkshire Tea because American teabags are weird, man.
That box is a receptacle of more than things. It's a vision of a version of myself, the self that moves continents and has just one compact little box sent out. It is the self that is adventurous, that smokes cigarettes insouciantly, that wears man's shirts and tough boots, and has short haircuts to minimise faff. That box is basically a lie. I will soon accumulate everything it does not contain. But I need that box.
***
Nuh badda text me in a crisis is something Rihanna sings in Work. The way she crunches out "crisis" is borderline arousing.
I texted a friend the other day, while I was having a crisis. And let me tell you, there is nothing like having someone tell you that you were absolutely right to contact them. That they are happy to listen, and support, and provide what you need. It makes my head spin, and swell. Look at my friends, I said aloud to the empty room, after I had collected myself. My friends are amazing.
Tell your excellent friends – as often as you can – that you love them. They are, in the parlance of the shit movies you love to hate, the family you choose.